Unlocking A Child’s Potential One Generation At A Time
By Lynne Jones
Children of today are influenced by parents responding to the collective traumas of their past. If we are to engage effectively with students’ parents, we need to bear this in mind.
I am often asked if the work I carry out is directly with children. The answer is no, because the truth is, a lot of adults still carry with them the conditioning they received in childhood, so although my work focuses on achieving better outcomes for children in schools, it is the work I do that I do with parents that makes this happen.
All of us began life as children, but this can be so easy to forget as we go about our adult life. As adults we accumulate a lot of responsibilities and for many people this includes having a family of their own, how we manage these responsibilities is very much rooted in our own life experiences.
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) Report 2015 was the first to highlight the importance of childhood experiences on the life of a child. The information gathered identified traumas which could be directly linked to difficulties and further traumas as an adult.
In the Estyn report, Knowing Your Children – Supporting Pupils With ACES (2020) a review of how schools in Wales are supporting children with these concerns has been published. This lays out guidance and recommendations for schools and professionals and promotes a whole school approach to mental health and wellbeing.
https://www.estyn.gov.wales/system/files/2022-01/Knowing%2520your%2520children%2520%2520supporting%2520pupils%2520with%2520adverse%2520childhood%2520experiences_0.pdf
This report highlights the work being done by educators, but health workers, social services, and other professionals are also focusing on reducing the impact of ACES already experienced by the children in their care; however, without the environment changing at home, a child’s world remains the same and they continue to be affected by the environment they live in and the adults that care for them.
With this in mind, we must acknowledge that parents were children too and for many parents their personal struggles and concerns will stem back to their own, personal childhood and life experiences. Few parents will have received an opportunity to reflect or heal from their experiences and so by default, the children of today are influenced by parents responding to the collective traumas of their past.
Psychology is now integrating a wide range of theories to provide a deeper understanding of the human condition. Neuroscience, Neurolinguistic programming, Somatic experiencing, and Mindfulness are now being embraced to give a more holistic approach to understanding and healing trauma which in turn, allows us to address the changing needs of humanity.
There is growing research lead by leaders in the field of neuroscience, all sharing evidence that our childhood attachment experiences have an impact on our brain development, emotions, and behaviour. Childhood trauma can have a lasting effect on physical and mental health. But with the help of neuroplasticity, healing is possible.
https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/the-roles-neuroplasticity-and-emdr-play-in-healing-from-childhood-trauma
This evidence connects the learning from attachment theory to neuroscience and highlights direct links between how we are nurtured and how our nervous system becomes programmed to respond to the world; this shows both our physical and emotional health can be affected by how we experience the world in our early years. These links go beyond the events laid out in the ACES report and includes events experienced by children and young adults of omission (too little for too long of what nurtures us, such as safety and love and praise) or commission (too much to fast of what can damage us, such as feeling attacked, unsafe, unloved, and alone).
These events may not be so obvious to the outside world, but most definitely will heighten the survival / stress response in the nervous system and will hinder adults reaching full potential. Mindful of these links, we can understand why, as adults some people struggle to build a secure foundation from which to reach out into the world.
Yet still when we come to engage parents in programmes designed to promote better outcomes for children, the focus tends to be on directly changing the outcome for the child rather than on the more complex unmet needs of the parent that could be causing the block.
Strategies for a whole school approach to mental health and emotional wellbeing acknowledge the link between mental health and education and actively promotes building healthy, strong relationships between parents and teachers.
https://mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/whole-school-approach/?altTemplate=LearnMore
Schools spend every day creating an environment in which children can thrive, but this alone is not enough. Parents may be offered parenting classes to support change, but this is not always what is needed and the work I do with parents suggests it can often make things worse.
To truly change the life of a child we need to teach parents how to master their personal nervous system responses and promote co regulation within their families. This will help identify and change the impact of intergenerational pattens, not only where ACES are identified, but in all families.
Neuroscience highlights how important the biological, psychological, and social wellbeing of parents is in influencing the child fulfilling their potential.
“Parents are powerful; they are the conduits of the emotional world to their children.”
We were all children once and this includes teachers, professionals, and parents.
When children can do well, they will do well, the same goes for parents and yet parents are expected to cope with family life, engage with professionals and be ‘good enough’ parents. Often the presenting situation is the one identified as the problem, but everything we know tells us there is more to it than that.
Using a combination of education and personal mentoring sessions, I help parents understand themselves and their personal neurobiology. This removes the blame and shame around their past experiences. It helps release the emotional blocks that stop families engaging and thriving. I see evidence that when life changes for the parent it then changes positively for the child, in a very organic way.
I believe that most parents want to do the best for their children, but if the situations they find themselves in, and how they parent are a result of their own traumas how can we expect them to be anything other than defensive until relationships are built and they feel safe enough to consider there could be a different way to be.
I have found one third of the parents I have worked with experienced some form of sexual violence as a child and have never received help or may have never disclosed it to anyone. We know from the ACES report that this is a major trauma and one that affects the life of an adult, but we are not always aware of how many adults this affects. Coupled with the ever-changing family structures, the impact of covid and the economic pressures parents are experiencing there is an ever-increasing need to offer more than parenting courses to help children thrive.
Parents need support that helps them to find / reconnect to their authentic self; this directly influences their ability to reconnect to their children, their families and the world they live in.
Engaging parents in their child’s education is not always easy, it is not just about sending home report cards or scheduling parent-teacher meetings. It’s about building a bridge, understanding each other, and working together, especially when trauma is part of the equation.
Here are some simple, yet effective ways schools can use to engage parents in their child’s educational journey.
- Create a psychologically safe space where parents feel heard and respected. Be compassionate and curious, listen with empathy, and acknowledge the unique challenges each family might be facing.
- Make Schools a hub for information, not just about academic progress but about community services that can support families dealing with trauma. Workshops, support groups, or even a simple list of contacts for support services can empower parents to seek help and feel supported by the school community.
- Understanding and respecting the diverse backgrounds of each family will foster a sense of belonging and connection.
- Provide education on trauma, neuroscience can help demystify the challenges some parents and children face. It’s about sharing knowledge in a way that’s easy to understand and offering strategies that parents can use at home to support themselves and their children.
- Creating a sense of belonging and acceptance by involving parents in decision-making processes shows that their opinions and insights are valued. Giving parents a voice in their child’s education can strengthen their engagement and investment in the school community.
- Recognise and celebrate progress and achievements, no matter how small, can boost morale and encourage a positive outlook on education. It’s not just about academic achievements but acknowledging personal growth, which can be incredibly affirming for both parents and children.
- Make it easy for parents to participate, this removes barriers and shows a commitment to inclusivity and support.
By adopting a trauma-informed approach, schools can create a nurturing environment where parents feel valued, supported,
By creating and holding a Safe Base from which parents can learn from and return to we help dissolve the childhood traumas that hold in place unhelpful pattens. It begins to pave the way for authentic parenting and a new generation of children who do not have to change the cycles of the past.
